Can't turn back time
by justtink1214
Summary: "Shake off the "why's" and the "what if's" and rid yourself of confusion. Whatever was - is in the past. Whatever is? That's what's important. The past is a brief reflection, and the future is yet to be realized.  "
1. Chapter 1

_"Maybe one day it will be ok again. That's all I want. I just want to be ok again."_

**Beep, beep, beep…**

Ugh, my alarm! Grrrr.

Ugh, I hate Mondays, then again I hate almost everything, but these days I just don't seem to care about anything and I hate everything even more. Actually, Beck and I just don't care about much these days, it's like we are in our own little world. We don't talk to our friends anymore, we don't even hang out with them. Beck and I just stick to each other and try so hard not to recall the horrible decision we made, that has us feeling like shit.

**A/N: This story deals with a very controversial topic. All I ask is that if you do read and review be respectful of other's opinions and views. Thanks! And please don't bash my story, if you don't agree with it or don't like it just don't read it..again thank you guys!**


	2. Chapter 2

_"Then we were all just a bunch of crazy teenagers looking for a wild time."_

So here's where it all started.

**Months before…**

"So babe," Beck, my gorgeous boyfriend started. "My parents are going to be out of town the whole weekend, and all the guys are coming over tonight, wanna come? Maybe sleepover?"

"Yeah, I just wished you didn't invite those people," I spat.

He just smiled and gave me a short, sweet kiss.

"Well after they leave it'll just be us," he smirked.

"Whatever," I huffed.

As I closed my locker all the idiots, I mean friends, were headed over towards us.

"Hey guys," greeted Tori. She is way too happy, it annoys me.

"Yay, party tonight," squealed Cat. Yea, she was dumb sometimes, but I loved her.

"Cat, it's not a party, were just going to hang out," Beck quickly corrected her.

"Well it's still going to be fun," chimed in Andre.

"Yea, meet at my house at eight ok," Beck announced as the bell rang.

We all parted ways and went to first period. Beck and I shared the same first period which was good, because I wouldn't be too bored listening to the teacher rant about three sisters and their honey making business. The whole period I kept spacing out thinking about lunch.

Finally the bell rang and off to second period, Math. After that boring lecture about logs and some thing called radicals, It was lunch yay.

Beck and I got our lunch and headed towards our usual table. I devoured a veggie burger and Beck had a tostada…or was it pizza, I don't remember, but whatever he got he ate it all.

"OK guys, so my brother said he could hook us up with some special drinks," Andre said. "You know the good stuff."

"Let's use our big words…Liquor," I said sarcastically. "Well yea that," Andre replied.

"Sounds good man, tell him we'll pay him back," Beck told him.

"Can't wait," Tori grinned with her perfect cheekbones.

After a few more comments from Cat about her brother and alcohol the bell rang.

We headed to improv class, which was our last class for the day. Of course all day's weren't like this, only Friday's. We only had three periods on Friday's and dismissal was at one, Lucky us!

I decided not to go to Beck's right after school, simply because I wanted to grab some stuff and take a nap. I have a big old California king bed and it's so comfy.

Sure enough after I laid on it I passed out. When I woke up it was seven forty five, just enough time to grab my shit and wait for Beck to pick me up. I told my parents I was sleeping over at Cat's, and they believed me.

Finally Beck arrived and we headed to his place. When we got there Tori and Andre were waiting outside. Andre had two canvas bags filled with bottles. All you heard was the "clank" from the bottles banging against each other.

We made our way inside the house and Andre unloaded the bags. "Dang he really hooked us up," I thought. My little eyes beamed at the site of tequila, Bacardi, Hennessy, and my favorite, Vodka, grey goose to be exact.

"Dang bro that's a lot of shit," Beck told Andre.

"I know, I figured it's enough for the whole weekend," he replied, taking out some red plastic cups.

About fifteen minutes later Cat and Robbie showed up. Finally now we could dig into the drinks.

I mixed a some Coke and Vodka, more Vodka than coke of course, for Beck and myself.

"Your not gonna mix some for us," Tori asked sarcastically.

"No bitch, you have hands do it yourself," I spat, handing Beck his drink.

"Chill out I'll mix us some drinks," said Andre. he made a margarita for Cat, and then some Hennessy and coke for the rest of them, including himself.

We turned on some tunes and just sat there and talked. I chugged my cup and proceeded to make another. Then I chugged that one. I wasn't even buzzed yet, so I mixed Beck his third drink and I served my self a shot of vodka.

"Babe, I think you should take it easy," Beck told me, as I handed him his drink.

"Don't tell me what to do," I retorted, as I took the shot. it was so good, smooth all the way down. And after about the third shot, I finally had a buzz on.

"Let's play truth or dare," shouted Cat, who was beyond buzzed after only three margaritas.

"I'm down," said Andre, he had a slight buzz on.

"Yea sure," Tori slurred her words. She had three shots of Bacardi.

"Ok, I go first," yelped Cat.

"Ok, go," said Beck, who was buzzing it, I could tell because he just wouldn't keep his hands off of me, not that I care, I love his touch.

"Mmm, ok Jade," She said.

"What," I snarled, she had interrupted my make out session with Beck.

"You know, truth or dare?"

"Truth," I didn't feel like doing any of her retarded dares.

"OK, how big is Beck's penis," she giggled.

"Cat!" I yelled.

"Just answer," she demanded.

Everyone looked at me awaiting my answer.

"Big enough," I said. "I don't want to play this shit anymore I'm going upstairs."

I got up and oh yeah there it was, I was tipsy.

"Ha, you almost fell," chuckled Robbie.

"Shut up," I huffed back.

I motioned Beck to follow me upstairs, heck I wanted some sexy time .

"Uh yea I'm out too, you guys can crash here, just please don't puke everywhere," he said getting up and following me.

"Don't get too crazy," shouted Robbie.

Finally I was away from those people and alone with Beck. Did I mention alcohol gets me horny.

We closed the door and I quickly threw myself at Beck. We kissed, groped, touched, until we were both naked on his parents bed. We were so buzzed and horny, we forgot the condom.

He gave one more thrust in me and he came, it felt warm and weird. I imagined he felt the same way as I released.

"I love you," he said, as he collapsed next to me.

"I love you too," I replied.

We both crawled in to bed, with nothing but the sheets covering us. It was an awesome night, at least that's what I thought.

The next day everyone was passed out in the living room. I imagined they all had hangovers.

"Get the fuck up," I yelled.

"Omg Jade, do you really need to yell," Tori groaned.

"Yes, yes I do," I smirked.

Everyone got up and grabbed all their crap and left. Why so soon you ask, well simple I told them to. I wanted to spend the rest of the day alone with Beck no one else.

After everyone left, we drank some more and just hung out watching tv.

"Last night was awesome," he said, kissing me.

"Yeah, it was," I replied.

I knew he wanted more, so I straddled him and had my way with him.

"Jade, I'm gonna cum," he moaned into my chest.

"Me too," I moaned back.

We both climaxed and once a gain we forgot the condom.

XXXSecond chapter enjoy R&RXXX Do not own victorious!


	3. Chapter 3

_"Follow your heart, because if you always trust your mind, you'll always act on logic, and logic doesn't always lead to happiness."_

**A month later…**

Now this is where shit hits the fan. I remember it so clearly. It was a Tuesday morning that I found myself puking my guts out in the school bathroom. It was the most disgusting thing ever, to say the least.

I got out of the stall, rinsed my mouth and walked out.

"Hey babe, what's wrong," Beck asked me.

"I don't know, I literally just puked my guts out," I replied.

"Gross, are you getting sick?" he asked.

"I don't know, I guess, it's just weird because it doesn't feel like I'm sick , I just can't keep anything down," I replied, taking his hand and dragging him to class.

"Oh that sucks," was all my goofy boyfriend responded.

"Yeah, no shit," I barked at him.

We went to class and sat down. I placed my head on the desk and instantly I was out. I had fallen asleep, something I never do even if I am extremely tired.

"Babe, wake up class is over," I felt Beck nudge me.

"Huh what," I said all confused.

"Yeah, you fell asleep, are you sure you're ok?" he sounded worried.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I guess I'm just tired," I answered him.

We went off to second and third and by the time lunch time rolled around I was starving.

I grabbed some pizza and a coke and walked over to our usual table. Beck was already there and so was everyone else. I was looking forward to my lunch, but the minute I smelled Tori's burrito, I felt like I was going to puke again.

"Babe, you ok, you look pale," he asked me.

All I could do was nod, otherwise I would have puked all over Beck. I didn't eat my lunch and I just put my head on the table trying so hard to shake off the wanting to puke feeling.

The rest of the day I found myself impatient, I couldn't wait for school to end. And finally the damn bell rang. Beck and I went to our lockers and then we left.

"Your house or mine?" he asked.

"Yours, duh," I spat back.

We pulled up to his RV and went inside. I threw myself on his bed and fell asleep. I didn't wake up until midnight.

"Well good morning sunshine," Beck greeted me.

"Shut it," I huffed.

"Do you feel better," he's so cute when he's concerned.

"Yeah, I do," it was a total miracle I felt as if nothing.

"Good, but now I'm going to bed," he smirked.

"Fine," I said. He kissed me and within minutes he was out.

The rest of the week I felt fine. Then the following week I started feeling cramps, so I figured I was going to start my period. Boy was I wrong!

I felt those cramps for two more weeks before the idea of me being pregnant crossed my mind. The more I thought about it, the more It all made sense. The way sometimes out of the blue I'd crave something I usually wouldn't eat. Or my mood swings, like the other day when I snapped at Beck simply because I couldn't find my necklace. I remember wishing really bad that it wasn't true, so that night, a Friday, I decided to take a test just to be sure.

Sure enough as the three minutes were done I looked at the test and there it was, that mother fucking stupid ass, plus sign. The first thing I thought was, "why me?"

After that I took five more tests, they all read the same. I didn't cry, I showed no emotions whatsoever. All I wanted was for this to be some night mare I could wake up from, but it wasn't.

I hid this for about another two weeks. It was one of those, "if I don't talk about it, maybe it'll go away."

So I figured by this time I was two months maybe more and I was already starting to show. Honestly, I did not want to be a mother at sixteen, but I also didn't know if I had the heart to get rid of it.

The next day at school, Beck told me I was being distant, A.K.A we hadn't had sex since I found out. I wanted to , but I couldn't risk Beck finding out. I mean I was going to tell him, I just didn't know when. I thought about it all day at school and decided I would tell him as soon as school was over.

After school we drove to his RV and just chilled as usual. We were watching tv, when I decided to tell him.

"Beck, we need to talk," I started.

"What about, is something wrong?" he replied.

"Beck, I'm pre…pregnant," I stuttered.

"You're what," he exclaimed.

"Yea, you know those two times we didn't use a condom, well now there's this," I told him, lifting up my shirt and pointing to my belly.

Beck came up to me and felt my belly. I guess he had to make sure I wasn't lying.

He cleared his throat, "Umm, so how far along are you ?"

"I'm about two months maybe more, I haven't gone to get checked out," I answered.

He was really nervous and in complete shock.

"Jade, I love you, but a baby, were so young," he said, stroking his hair.

"Dido, I don't want to be a mom at sixteen, I'm not ready," I responded, letting him know I felt the same way.

We walked over to the bed and sat down.

"So what do we do?" he asked.

"I don't know, I mean if you're not ready and I'm not ready, there's only one thing to do," I replied.

"A…a…abortion," he stuttered.

"Yeah, it's not fair to bring this kid into the world if we don't want it, plus how are we going to provide for it," I told him. I just couldn't be a mom yet, I had too many things to do before that ever happened, and I'm sure Beck has a lot of things to do as well before he becomes a dad.

"Babe, why not adoption?" he questioned.

"Because I don't want to be pregnant and it'll hurt me more to know someone else is raising our baby," I know I sounded selfish, but it's how I felt at that time.

"So no one knows," Beck asked, taking my hand in his.

"No, I've been really good about hiding it," I replied.

"Well babe, I'm behind you a hundred percent , whatever your choice is," he told me looking into my eyes.

"Beck, if you want to keep it , it'll be hard , but we can," I replied. I wanted to make sure we both wanted this, before we decided.

"Honestly, you're right that is the best choice for us," he said, confirming our decision.

That night I felt relieved that this would soon be over . Call me whatever name you want, but at that point in time I felt that this was the best way to go.

XXXR&R thanks and enjoyXXX


	4. Chapter 4

"_**Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: Precious Life lessons that can only be learned the hard way."**_

BPOV

So that night I had just found out Jade was pregnant, and we had decided to get it taken care of. Was it the right choice? Honestly, I thought so because no one would know and we could go on living our lives. My mind was relieved and my heart, well my heart didn't have much say in this.

Jade and I both called the clinic the next day before school and got an appointment for the following Monday. It's funny how this world works, I mean, you need permission from a parent for almost everything when you're a minor, but not when it comes to get an abortion.

That day Jade didn't go to school, I didn't blame her she looked like shit. She was puking everywhere. I told her good bye and kissed her and left for school.

I thought about the decision we had made over and over, to make sure it really was the right choice. And it was, at least that's what I thought then. I tried no to think too much about it and before I knew it I was at school. I let out a big sigh and put on my best game face on. I had to pretend everything was dandy, after all I couldn't tell anyone what we were going through.

"Hey Beck, where's Jade?" asked Cat, as she bounced up to me.

"Umm, she's sick," I simply answered.

"She's been sick a lot lately ,"added Tori.

"Umm I guess I haven't really noticed," I lied.

"Ok then, as long as she gets better," said Cat. Then they both turned around and headed to class.

"Hey bro, where's Jade?" asked Andre, good god is this twenty questions.

"Home, she's sick ok!" I didn't mean to but I snapped at him.

"Just a question," he huffed.

"Sorry, I just didn't sleep well," I explained.

"It's cool, lets just get to class," he chuckled.

That whole day all that was on my mind was the situation we were in. I mean abortion is a huge deal and although it is what we agreed on, I decided to talk about it again with Jade, just in case she had changed her mind.

Ok, so after school that day, I picked up some coffees and headed to the RV. When I got there Jade was passed out on the couch. She looked so cute with her little belly. So let's see then I tried to wake her up, but she wasn't so I tried a different approach, I kissed her. And like magic she was up.

"Ugh, it's you," she said all groggy and stuff.

"How was your day?" I asked her, handing her some coffee.

"good I guess, if by good it means puking, eating and sleeping," she said sarcastically, taking a sip of coffee.

So after some small talk I got to the point.

"So babe are you sure about having an abortion?" I said, serious face on.

She stared at her coffee and then into my eyes, "Yes Beck! I'm not ready, but I guess if you don't want to, I mean it'll be hard but we can keep it."

I was conflicted, my heart said one thing and my head said another. I listened to logic. I mean I wanted to be a family with Jade, I love her, but not at sixteen. She's right were not ready.

"No babe, I agree with you, were not ready," I replied. "We can have one when we are good and ready."

She smiled and I kissed her.

"Thanks for supporting me and loving me," she said.

"But please if you change your mind tell me, so we don't do something we'll regret forever," I told her, just in case she changed her mind.

"I will," she answered.

The rest of that week we avoided the whole pregnancy issue simply because we didn't want to make it real, even though it was. We didn't want to get attached either. Surprisingly enough none of our friends noticed Jade's small belly, maybe it was because she was always wearing a sweater. So that was good, but then one day Andre told me that Jade looked chubbier and that she was moodier than usual. I just told him she was on her lady cycle, and he questioned it no further.

We also started to sit by ourselves and we tried to avoid everyone. We talked about other stuff and never talked about the baby, we just wanted all of this to be over.

And finally Monday rolled around, oh that Monday, the day our lives changed. the day Jade and I became closer than ever.

JPOV

OK, here's how Monday began and even though it's been months since it happened it's still fresh in my head, which is not good at all.

Ok, so Beck and I both headed to school like usual, and after enduring my last battle with nausea we both skipped our last class and headed to the clinic. We had to skip because our appointment was at two and school wasn't over till three. Ok, so here's how it all went down.

Before heading inside the clinic Beck asked me one last time if I was sure.

"Yes absolutely," I answered.

Honestly I was, it was what I wanted and I felt ready, well as ready as I was going to be.

XXXX Here's another chapter, enjoy R&R thanks guysXXXX


	5. Chapter 5

**_"And I won't look back. And I won't regret. Though hurts like hell. Someday I will forget."_**

JPOV

We walked in, I signed in, and was handed forms to fill out. They were mostly about my sexual history and what not. As Beck and I sat down, off the bat the first thing that caught my attention was that the room was filled wit h older women, like they were in their late twenty's early thirty's. I so expected more girl's my age. I didn't want to judge, but I mean I'm a kid who did something stupid(which still doesn't justify what I was about to do).I just couldn't find any reason why an older more mature woman would want to get rid of their baby. I mean if I was older and financially stable, I so wouldn't be here.

Anyway, after filling out those forms, Beck and I waited a good thirty minutes before being called.

"I'm with you all the way," Beck whispered to me, as they called us and we got up.

The woman at the desk took the forms and then led me to the back, unfortunately Beck couldn't come with me. He kissed me one last time and then we parted ways.

My heart raced a little, but I still remained calm. The woman led me through a hallway that smelled sterile and had bland beige walls, then we entered a room. She told me to change into a disgusting hospital robe and then to get on the icy cold, lumpy thing they called a "Bed." I did as I was told and all the time I was still going strong, no remorse whatsoever.

Then a nurse came in and drew some blood and told me to sit and wait for the doctor. Then about five minutes passed before the doctor came in. She just smiled and proceeded to conduct some exams. First, she did an internal pelvic one that hurt as I felt her hand manhandling me.

"Ok, so you are pregnant," she said, I stayed silent. "Now let's see how far a long," she said taking off the gloves.

She turned on the ultrasound machine and placed cold stuff on my belly. Here's where I thought I was going to loose it. I thought I was going to loose it because I would be seeing what had been growing inside of me for so long. But the doctor turned the screen facing her, I guess that's how it goes, I mean what mother would get rid of their baby after seeing it. If I remember correctly the doctor moved that thing all over my belly and never said a word. I tried so hard to study her face expression, but I was unsuccessful. She finally stopped and told me we were done.

Then the nurse came in again and she put an IV in, and right at that moment I knew there was no turning back.

Honestly I was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable, but I kept telling myself, "it was for the best." looking back now I wished my heart would have spoken up and told me to get out of there, well then again maybe it did and I just didn't listen.

So, then the nurse ushered me into another waiting room with a small tv and a couple of chairs. The walls were a dull blue and there were other patients in there as well. As I sat down the nurse gave me two pills and some water and told me to take them, and I did.

"These are to help your body think your in labor, so your cervix opens up. It helps the process. Unfortunately, you will feel really bad cramps," she explained.

"Ok," was all I could manage to speak.

The room was silent and all the patients just kind of glanced at each other. I was feeling nervous and I was really wishing Beck was by my side. After about fifteen minutes, after taking those pills, I started to feel cramps. They were tolerable at first, but then all I kept thinking was, "how much longer do I have to take this pain."

I waited another thirty minutes in that nasty ass ice cold room, before the nurse called my name. She made me sign a bunch of consent forms and then I was taken to another room.

This room had four recliner like chairs that were lined with plastic, there were two stretchers in the corner and two desks. Right where the stretchers were there was another door, I was guessing it was the operating room.

Two of the four recliners were occupied with patients and a nurse was taking their temperature and other stuff, it was the "recovery area" sort of.

The nurse gave me some nasty ass syrup to drink and told me to have a seat. Till now I don't know what that liquid was, but it was nasty. Ok, so I rolled that stupid IV thing over and sat down.

"Ok, you'll be next," a nurse said, with a smile on her face.

"Really," I thought, "you work at a place where people get rid of their babies and you are smiling." but I guess they have to be friendly so patients can be as comfortable as possible.

So after some more waiting, the door to the other room opened and a woman was being rolled out. She was passed out because of the anesthesia.

"Ok hun, you're next," said a different nurse.

My heart was racing, I was scared, nervous and anxious, but that was it there was no turning back. I slowly got up and followed the nurse.

XXXAnother chapter, R&R thanks alot they are much appreciatedXXX


	6. Chapter 6

"_**Never regret anything that has happened in your life, it cannot be changed, undone or forgotten, so take it as a lesson learned and move on."**_

I slowly got up and followed the nurse into the room.

In the room there was a bunch of different medical tools and one long operating table. The nurse told me to get on the bed and I did. Then she told me to put my feet up on those things that keep your feet propped up, and I listened. Then two doctors walked in and the nurse left. No words were exchanged. I just laid there looking up at the white ceiling until I heard one of the doctors say, "Ok, were going to put medicine through your IV and it'll put you to sleep." she gave me a reassuring smile and I just nodded. The last thing I remember was the doctors talking amongst themselves and the white ceiling.

…

When I woke up I was on a stretcher, in the same room where I was before being escorted to the operating room. It literally felt like I was asleep only for a few minutes, but I knew it was much longer than that.

"Hey sweetie," a nurse said, as I fluttered opened my eyes. "I'm going to get you down from there and get you seated over there," she pointed at one of those recliner like chairs.

All I did was nod.

"You are also going to feel a little dizzy from the anesthesia and you have a pad on because ,well after the procedure you're left bleeding , it's kind of like your menstrual cycle," she explained to me, "but a little heavier," she finished.

Once more no words left my mouth.

"Ok, hun, ready," the nurse told me, as she pulled me up.

Immediately the room began to spin. The nurse grabbed me before I fell back on the stretcher. Then the nurse slowly got me down from there and walked me over to the chair. I sat there and she removed my IV and gave me some juice to drink. As I sat there I remember feeling like a piece of me was missing, something I did not expect to feel. I was overwhelmed and I just could not believe that I had actually done it. My eyes started to fill with tears, but I held them back as best I could. I told myself I just couldn't be feeling like this, because after all I wanted this.

"Jade West," I heard a different nurse call.

"Y…yeah, that's me," I stuttered.

"Here you go sweetie," she said, handing me a bag filled with my clothes. "If you are good enough to walk, there is a bathroom over there where you can change," she told me, pointing to a bathroom in the hall.

"Yea, I'm good," I answered.

"Great, go ahead," she told me as she pressed on my stomach, just to make sure I wasn't bleeding to heavily. And I wasn't.

As I got up it felt like I was on my period, but it was heavier, just like the nurse said. It was gross.

So after I got dressed and put on those disgusting long ass pads, I went back to the room.

"Ok, all done, great. Here are some things for you to take. There are some antibiotics in there and painkillers. Read the labels to know how often to take them. The painkillers are just in case you really are in pain, but the antibiotics you have to make sure you take them. You know just to avoid any infections," the nurse instructed me. "Also there is a months worth of birth control pills and some condoms. There is also some pamphlets about warning signs you should look out for if there are any complications. There are some pads in there and forms of everything that was done today. Lastly there is an appointment for you to come back in three weeks to get checked out and make sure everything is fine. Also at the appointment you can refill your birth control if you are satisfied with that one," the nurse finally finished.

"Sounds good," was all I managed to say.

Then she made me sign a release form and I was good to go. She walked me to the back of the building, where my love was waiting for me.

I was so happy to see him and I knew he felt the same way. The nurse left and I took his hand and we walked to the car. He helped me in and then he got in.

"You ok," he asked me, as he started the car.

"Yeah," was all I answered.

He just smiled and took my hand in his. He drove to his place and the whole ride was silent. When we finally got there he helped me out and walked me in into the RV, he would have carried me, but I told him no.

I sat on his bed and he took a seat right next to me. We didn't say anything, he just hugged me. As soon as he did I began to cry uncontrollably into his chest. I know most of you are like, what the hell, why is she crying when she was the one who wanted this. Honestly I cant even begin to describe what I felt, I just needed to cry. I was feeling overwhelmed about everything that had just happened. I just couldn't believe I had actually gone through with it. I just cried and cried as Beck held me tight against him.

XXX And another chapter...R&R thanks and enjoyXXX thanks for the reviews so farXXX


	7. Chapter 7

_"**Tough times don't last, but tough people do. fuck your past … don't let it fuck with you…"**_

"Babe, don't cry," Beck told me.

"I…I..," was all I stuttered.

"Shhh…it'll be ok," he comforted me.

He held me and I just cried until I fell asleep, in his arms.

BPOV

I cringe a bit just remembering that day. We arrived at the clinic at two and by the time Jade was brought to me , it was a little past five. Jade looked so weak and fragile when she was brought out to me. I couldn't quite tell how she was feeling , so I didn't say much. All I kept thinking was, " We really did it."

I felt a mix of emotions and well honestly I thought I wouldn't care so much about what happened, after all we never spoke to the baby or anything so I didn't think I'd feel attached, but I guess I kind of did.

Anyways, after getting to the RV, Jade broke down. Why, I don't really know, but I'm guessing she was overwhelmed about everything that had happened.

The next couple of days I made sure Jade took her meds and that she was alright, physically and emotionally. We didn't go to school for two days and we returned to school on Thursday. And let me tell you it was hard to go back and act as if everything was fine, being a good actor couldn't help me there. It was so hard to put on a happy face and I know Jade had a hard time as well.

JPOV

Ok, so I honestly thought I was going to be over all of this shit and that everything was going to be fine. But my, oh my was I wrong!

The first day after the procedure I was like whatever. I didn't let myself think about it or dwell on it. But the day after I suddenly felt at the lowest I have ever been. I didn't think Id feel like this at all, after all I was so sure this was what I wanted. I cried so hard that night because I just couldn't accept everything that had happened, what I had done.

So, Thursday we returned to school and I used the best acting skills I could so no one would notice anything.

"So where have you two been," was the first thing Tori asked, as we walked in through the doors.

"Jade was sick, so I nursed her back to health," Beck answered, I just rolled my eyes.

"Well I'm glad you guys are back," said Cat.

Then I pulled Beck away and we went to class. All trough out school I just wanted to go home and cry my eyes out. It hit me like a ton of bricks, but I realized I had done something so unforgivable and all I wanted was my baby back.

At lunch Beck and I sat alone, so I figured I'd talk to him about how I was feeling. I figured he'd make me feel a little better about everything.

"Babe, do you think I'm a horrible person?" I started, picking at my food.

"No! you're not," he answered. "Look babe I know you feel overwhelmed and I don't know maybe guilty, but just think about it we couldn't have done it and we did what we did because the baby deserved so much and we couldn't give them that," he was right our baby needed a lot of things we couldn't have provided for them.

He kissed me and told me he loved me and that one day we would have a baby; and that we would be prepared and love it more than anything on this earth. I love Beck so much, if I didn't have him I honestly would be going crazy.

He made me feel better, well enough to get me through the rest of school.

….

The next couple of weeks I was fine, well as fine as I could be. But then on a sunny Friday, all of us decided to skip school and go to the beach. I was cool until we got there and the place was swarming with babies. Ugh I hated that feeling, which feeling you ask, well the one that always got me thinking, "What if."

I thought about what things would have been like if well, I was still pregnant. Then something worse happened.

We were all sitting down talking, well mostly every one else was talking Beck and I were zoned out into our own little world. Then we saw a pregnant teenager pass by and of course all our friends had something to say about it.

"Damn, she's like our age and she's Prego," said Tori.

"Yea, I would never be that stupid," chimed in Andre.

"Well, I guess I give her props for not taking the easy way out," continued Tori. "I mean she didn't get rid of her mistake, she is taking responsibility."

My goodness gracious I wanted to punch her so badly. Beck was getting uncomfortable, and he saw I was raging, so he spoke.

"Well yes, but she probably isn't ready to raise a baby and probably doesn't have a job so she cant provide for the kid," he said, almost angry.

"Yea, but she is giving the baby life and that's all that matters," Cat added.

Her words hurt my heart so much, because she was right. I quickly got up and ran off tears flowing down my face. I finally go to the car, got in and just sat there, I was a complete mess.

"Babe, c'mon they don't know what they are saying," I heard Beck's voice, as he got in the car.

"They're right," I yelled as I cried, "I took our baby's life, the baby didn't ask to be conceived, it was our fault, the baby didn't have to pay!" I sobbed.

"You're right," Beck began. "Look it hurts me too because it was a little piece of me and you, but we _can't turn back time_," he said with tears in his eyes, "you're going to make a good mom, when you're ready."

I hated feeling like a piece of me was missing, I hated feeling guilty and most of all I just hated the fact that I couldn't turn back time. I just hated myself for doing something so awful and so stupid, all because I wanted my life not to change. All I thought of then and all I think of now is my baby and the life I would have had if I didn't make that stupid decision.

About ten minutes later our friends returned to the car and I had to pretend everything was fine. So I wiped the tears and just sat there insulting them left and right, typical me.

On our way home Cat asked, "Why were you crying, are you ok?"

"I'm fine," I huffed.

"Are you sure, you and Beck left and didn't come back, and it looks like you've been crying," Tori chimed in.

"Whatever," was all I managed to say.

I would have told them, but I didn't because it was still too painful to talk about and I didn't want them to judge me. The entire ride back home I tried so hard not to cry, but its so hard when all you want to do is cry until you can't cry any more. And that's all that I wanted, to cry; and hopefully just drown in my own tears.

XXXEnjoy! R&R thanks!XXX


	8. Chapter 8

**_"You smile when you feel like crying. You act like you're ok, when you're falling apart inside. And you try to let go, you try to move on, because you know there's nothing else you can do."_**

Ugh, and now here we are, it's Monday morning and my freaking alarm clock is going off. I hate going to school, I hate having to pretend everything is ok, because it's not. I hate life and everything around me because I'm not happy. Beck tries to get me to be ok with everything, but I just can't be. I hate myself for killing my baby, just because I was to scared of my life changing. I hate that I didn't see the positive side of my pregnancy, I hate myself for being a stupid, dumb fuck teenager who only cares about herself. All I ever think of is , "Why did I do it?" and "What would my life be with a baby?"

It's been about three months since I had the abortion and I still cry myself to sleep. I know Beck feels miserable too, he always tells me he wishes he would have stopped me and maybe if he had reacted differently when I told him, I wouldn't have done it. I always try and make him feel better and I always tell him that his reaction had nothing to do with what happened. Ok so now here I am getting dressed and ready to go to school.

…

I got to school and shoved my crap in my locker; and I headed to class.

"Hey babe, how are you feeling?" Beck asked me, as I sat down next to him.

"EH, fine I guess," was always my answer, when he asked me how I was feeling.

He knows that usually means I feel shitty, so he hugged me tight and whispered to me that everything would be ok, then he kissed me. "Man, I love this guy so much," I thought to myself. It's true, I love Beck more than anything and even though were in this depression mode he always sets his needs aside so he can tend to mine.

…

Finally it was lunchtime and Beck and I made our way to an empty table. We have been distant from our friends, ever since the beach incident. We sit by ourselves simply because we both feel like shit, and well because Beck tries so hard to tend to my emotional needs. He tries to calm me down when I feel like breaking down. But today as I was just resting in Beck's arms they all came over.

"We don't want to be nosy, but what's up? You guys haven't sat with us for months," said Cat.

"Yeah, I mean Jade you're not yourself, you haven't made anyone cry in weeks. You guys just come to school and right at the bell you guys leave," chimed in Andre. "And you guys never wan to hang out with us anymore, what's up?"

"Nothing," was all Beck answered.

"Ugh, nothing is fucking wrong, mind your own god damn business," I snapped and stormed off.

As I'm storming off I realize there's no where to go so I just went to my locker and sat in the hallway. I started to slam and throw my backpack at the lockers, I was so angry. Just then I see Tori and Cat coming.

"Jade, babe what's wrong?" Cat asked, as she sat down next to me.

"Jade something is really wrong, and you need to tell us so we can help," Tori said, rubbing my back as I began to cry. My head was on my knees and I just cried.

"No! no one can help, just leave," I yelled at them.

And it's true no one can help me shake this feeling off. The feeling of regret and just utter sadness.

"Jade, c'mon it can't be that bad," Cat said innocently.

"Yea, Jade maybe you'll feel better if you talk to us about it," Tori spoke. "Jade whatever it is you can tell us."

"I…I, I just," I sobbed.

"It's ok," Cat said, "cry it all out, it'll be ok."

I just sat there in between the two of then, just crying. I didn't want to but I couldn't control myself, the tears just kept rolling out of my eyes.

BPOV

Andre, Robbie, and I sat there in awkward silence, as Tori and Cat got up to follow Jade.

"So what is up with her?" Andre spoke, breaking the silence, but not the awkwardness.

"Who?" I asked, playing dumb. Of course I knew he was talking about Jade.

"Jade!" Robbie chipped in. "What's up with both of you?"

" I don't know, nothing ok," I told them.

"Fine, but just know we're here for you guys, ok bro," said Andre.

"Thanks," I said, as I got up and went to look for Jade.

Jade, Tori and Cat were in the hallway sitting down. Jade was in between them crying her eyes out. She never cried like that, this was the first time I've seen her cry so hard. Sure when we spoke about the abortion she'd let a couple tears fall, but never like this. She was crying so much it just broke my heart. I felt helpless and it sucked because I'm suppose to be her night and shinning armor, always there to protect her. I felt like I had failed her.

"Babe, it'll be ok," I told her as I ran to her and hugged her. I held her so tight her cries were muffled.

"Beck, are you guys ok. What's wrong please tell us," pleaded Tori.

"Look really I appreciate your concern, but can you guys please leave us alone," I asked them nicely. They both nodded. hugged Jade and left.

"Beck, I can't take it anymore, I hate this feeling," Jade sobbed into my chest.

"Babe, it's ok, it will be ok, but you need to calm down," I told her, as tears began to form in my eyes. I was really worried I was scared as to what Jade could do to herself if I didn't make sure to calm her down.

"No! Beck it won't I don't know if I can forgive myself for this," she said, through sobs and hysteric yelps.

"Babe, please calm down," I began. "You need to forgive yourself, do it for the baby. You have to go on with your life and accomplish everything you want, so that our baby wherever he or she may be is proud of everything we do and knows that we did what we did to become better parents in the future, who are prepared to take care of a baby."

Then the bell rang. Before the halls filled up with kids, Jade collected herself and got up.

"Babe, I'll see you later after school. I'm going home I can't be here right now," she told me.

"Please go home and calm down. I'll be over after school . I love you more than anything," I told her.

Then I hugged her and kissed her. She turned around and she left. I didn't want her to go by herself because she was an emotional wreck, but if I know Jade, and I do, I know when she's upset she likes to be alone. I was really worried, that she might do something stupid, but I mean I trust her not to, so I let her go. I wiped the tears from my face and headed to class.

XXXXChapter 8 enjoy..R&R thanksXXXX


	9. Chapter 9

"_**Friends inspire you to become your best and still love you when you're at your worst."**_

BPOV

I walked into history class with puffy red eyes from all the tears that had taken over my eyes. Believe it or not I do understand how Jade feels, and it sucks. It sucks to feel like this, day in and day out. I feel like I am such a selfish ass for letting Jade go through with the abortion. I mean I didn't do anything to change her mind, I am just as guilty for what happened. I hated knowing that Jade would probably never be herself again. I was shaken out of my thoughts by Tori's, "Hey."

"Oh, hey," I simply said.

"Where's Jade?" she asked, I could tell she was still very much concerned.

"She went home," I answered.

"Look I know you guys don't want to say what's been going on, but Beck we're your friends and care about you guys; plus sometimes talking about it and venting helps a lot," she told me.

I hate to admit it, but she is right. Jade and I can't just shut everyone out and we can't just talk to each other about it all the time, because either I will snap and say something stupid or she will. So after thinking about it I figured I'd take Tori's advice, after all what did I have to loose.

"Hey Tor, can I ask you for a favor?" I said to her.

"Yea, sure," she quickly responded, with a smile.

"Can you go and check on Jade after school; I think it will do her some good to talk with someone else besides me," I answered.

"I will be glad to," she smiled.

"Take Cat, that way Jade will be more inclined to talk to you guys; and Tori after you guys talk please don't judge us," was my last request.

"Why would I, you guys are my friends no matter what," she responded, giving me a hug.

I just smiled and focused my attention back on the teacher who was starting the lecture. I really hoped Jade would trust our friends and talk to them; and not kill me for sending them over.

JPOV

"I can't believe I just broke down at school," I told myself, as I walked through the streets of Hollywood.

I know I told Beck I'd go home, but first I just wanted to walk and clear my mind. I was afraid that if I went home all upset and angry, I'd do something stupid. I took the long way back to my house and the whole way I just kept thinking that I wished so badly I could turn back time. I wished I could just have my baby back. I hate myself for being a selfish bitch. Honestly, I thought I'd be ok with this, I thought I'd be tough enough not to care about a little person inside of me, but it was not that way at all. Unfortunately, I' m human and I do have feelings. I do care and I just wished everything would be ok.

After walking around for what seemed like forever, I finally reached my house. I went inside and no one was home. I sat on the couch and just cried my eyes out. I immediately felt so horrible, that I reached for the alcohol cabinet and just downed whatever was in there. All I wanted was to feel good, something I haven't felt in forever. I was sobbing uncontrollably as I chugged half the bottle of Bacardi, I literally just wanted to drink my life away. Just then the door bell rang. I quickly tried to get up(I was a bit buzzed), and threw the bottle in the sink. I tried to cover my tracks because I thought it was Beck, and I didn't want him to see me like this.

I stumbled to the door and opened it.

"Hey," greeted a smiling Tori and Cat.

"What the fuck do you want," I huffed.

"Can we come in?" Tori asked. I knew even if I said no they would still come in so I didn't fight it and I let them in.

"Jade have you been drinking," Tori quickly asked.

"What do you care," I spat back.

"Drinking doesn't solve anything," Cat added.

"Whatever that's my problem, what the hell do you want?" I snarled back.

"Jade we just wanted to make sure you were ok, because you know you left school early," Tori said.

"Whatever I'm fine now just leave," I barked at them.

"No you're not, c'mon we just want to help and make you feel better," Cat added, sitting closer to me.

And that's when it happened; I didn't want to tell them, but being an emotional drunk got the best of me and I blurted everything out.

"No one can feel better after killing their baby!" I yelled.

I quickly realized what had left my mouth and I just began to cry and I collapsed on the floor in tears. And as confused as Tori and Cat were, they didn't leave, they stayed with me and just sat next to me on the floor as I cried. That's when I realized that even though I'm a bitch to them, they really do care about me and Beck. And it hit me, whether or not I want to accept it they are my friends, through thick and thin. They showed that to me on that day, simply by not running away when I insisted they do and by just being there for me even though they didn't know what was going on.

XXXXAnother chapter enjoy...R&R thanks guys...and i know its been forever since i updated but i've been soooooooo busy, i'll try and update quicker...thanks againXXXX


	10. Chapter 10

**_"There's nothing as nice as someone who shares your laughter, your secrets, your wishes and cares; someone who's there through your good times and bad times, and to catch all your tears."_**

"W…w…what do you mean?" stuttered Tori, all confused and stuff.

I stopped crying enough to spit out, "Just like you heard," but then I started to sob again, "I killed my baby and I hate myself for it."

Although I was crying uncontrollably Cat and Tori understood what I said. They both grabbed me and sat me down on the couch. They both hugged me tight and consoled me.

"Jade, tell us everything, we want to help you and don't hate yourself, we love you," Cat said with concern tracing her every word.

"Yea Jade, you're our friend and even though you and I might not always get along, I love you and you are one of my closest friend," Tori said, wiping the tears from my face.

It took me about five minutes to calm myself down completely, and when I did I told them everything.

"Jade you can trust us," Tori reassured me as I was about to speak.

I nodded and began to speak, recalling everything, every detail, it was so fresh in my memory as if it had happened only yesterday.

"Beck and I found out I was pregnant about six months ago," I started.

"That's why you were always sick," Cat cut me off.

"Yea, and well after I told Beck and we talked about it, we came to the conclusion that we weren't ready to become parents at sixteen," I told them. "So after we reviewed our options, we decided to have an abortion. And about three months ago, I…I….I had an abortion," I cried.

"Did your parents or anyone else find out you were pregnant?" Tori questioned.

"No, they just thought I was getting the flu or something, and well no one else found out either, we didn't want anyone else to find out," I explained to them.

"Now it all makes sense," Tori said. "Andre had told me you looked chubbier, but I just brushed it off, I didn't suspect a thing."

"That's why you always wore a sweater," Cat chipped in.

I continued, "Yea, I didn't want anyone to know I was pregnant, especially because I was going to abort it, the last thing I needed was people running their mouths."

They both just nodded and I continued.

"Ok, so even day of I was feeling ok about everything," I began. "I told myself it was what I wanted and I went through with it and it wasn't until afterwards that I just fell apart," I finished with waves of tears flooding my eyes and falling down my cheeks.

"Oh Jade, why didn't you tell us," Cat said, with tears in her eyes.

"We could've helped you with anything ," Tori said, as she rubbed my back trying to comfort me.

"I…I…I just don't know, I didn't know how to tell anyone and well I thought I was going to be ok with everything , because well you know me I'm a heartless bitch with no emotions," I said, wiping the tears off my face.

"Jade! Shut up you are not a heartless bitch," Cat yelled at me as she looked into my eyes. "You just have a difficult time giving into your emotions, that's all," she finished.

"I know and well now I just feel so down all the time, I feel like shit, like nothing matters," I cried. "I hate myself for what I did and all I think of now is that I want my baby back. All I think about is what if I had kept my baby, he or she would be close to being born , I think of what he or she would've looked like," I cried hysterically. "But most of all I hate that I took away my baby's chance at life, I hate that I wasn't strong enough to keep my baby, I'm a horrible person and I hate what I did, and wish everyday that I can turn back time and undo what I did!" I ranted.

They were both really shocked at my confession, but not one of them judged me or told me I was a horrible human being. Instead they listened to me and reassured me that I wasn't a horrible person and that I was a human being who makes mistakes.

XXXXAnother chapter, it isn't the best but enjoyXXXR&R thanks, one more chapter to go, and once again thanks for reading and reviewing!:)XXX


	11. Chapter 11

_"**Sometimes the littlest thing in life changes something forever and there will be times when you wish you can go back to how things used to be but you just can't …"**_

"Oh Jade, it'll be ok," Cat said. "Think of it this way your baby knows that you weren't ready and it understands that you did what you felt was right, I'm sure your baby doesn't hate you and you shouldn't hate yourself."

She sounded so sincere and sweet. I loved how much both these girls were trying to help me heal and go on with my life. And I have to admit, it was nice to talk about it and let it all out, the tears, the anger, everything.

"When you are ready, you and Beck are going to be excellent parents," Cat continued, with a big smile on her face. "Because of this experience both of you are going to be awesome parents, but first you two have to learn from this and continue on with your life. And not make this mistake again, ok."

I smiled and nodded at her. And this is why I loved Cat so much, because even though she can be ditzy and out of whack, she always had my back and she always knows what to say. I hugged her and I finally stopped crying, but it think it was more like I had cried all I could possibly cry that day.

"Think of it this way, your baby is waiting for you and when you are good and ready, god will give you, your baby back," Tori added.

"I know and I love all your sweet words, but I just cant make peace with the whole thing, I honestly try so hard, but I cant," I begun. "Beck tells me that I should try and go on with my life, but I just can't and I feel terrible because even though him and I are always together its not the same. I love him to death because he's been so patient with me, but I know he'll get tired of it and leave me, and if he does I don't know what I'll do."

I felt tears forming in my eyes again just at the thought of Beck leaving me.

"Jade, you know that's not true, Beck loves you so much he'd never leave you no matter what," Tori spoke. "I think he's proven that to you."

"I'm just scared he will leave, after all he's a guy who has needs and I'm so depressed and just out of it, we haven't had sex, or done anything special like we use to. He spends all his time making sure I'm ok, I miss how things use to be, I miss being intimate with him, but I just don't know if I will ever get past this to go back to how we use to be," I ranted.

"Jade you need to take things slow and deal with one thing at a time," Cat told me. "First know that Beck would never ever leave you, even if the world ended tomorrow he'd be right by your side to see it end, got it. I'm sure he misses being intimate with you too, but he also knows you are hurting and understands because he is probably hurting too, so Jade please get that out of your head, he will never leave you, he loves you," she preached.

"Yes and honestly Jade things will never ever go back to how it use to be, it will be even better. You and Beck are closer than you guys have ever been and this experience will only make your relationship grow stronger, so listen to Cat and get all that crap of him leaving you out of your head. He knows that when you are fully healed you will be good and ready to give yourself again to him. And trust me he will be waiting and he won't pressure you. Like Cat said, he is head over heels for you and loves you more than anything," Tori added.

"Jade you need to try and make peace with this whole situation, so Beck can too. You have to remember he is also hurting," Cat said, getting up and getting me a glass of water.

"I know, but it's so hard," was all I said, as Cat handed me the water.

"I know, but you are a good mama for wanting so much more for your baby and don't hate yourself or try anything stupid, it won't solve anything," Tori continued. "And instead of beating yourself up about it you have to take action."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You know go to counseling or if you don't want to do that, find ways that will help you heal," she explained.

"Thanks guys really, just being able to vent has helped and I will take all your suggestions into consideration," I told them. "thanks for listening to me and not judging me and my stupid decision," I finished. I wasn't' completely ok, but just being able to vent was a start.

"Look Jade, we are all human and we make mistakes, but we need to learn from them and keep on moving forward. And if you want to talk we are here with you in a heartbeat, and I will try to find ways to make you feel better," Tori told me as she got up. "But I have to go because it's getting late, but feel free to call or text, love you and you are not a horrible person, ok!" she gave me a big hug and she was on her way.

Cat stayed a little longer and she made us dinner. She reassured me everything would be ok and that Beck would never leave me. We watched some T.V. and she left when my parents finally came home, which was late, so I owed her big time.

"Remember Jade, what's done is done and you _can't turn back time_, you just have to learn from it and move on, ok. I love you Jade, see ya tomorrow, bye!" Cat said as I walked her to the door.

"Thanks Cat, I love you too," I hugged her and she was on her way.

That night was honestly the first night I didn't cry myself to sleep, instead I sent Beck a text, something that I hadn't done in forever, and I have really missed talking to him at night.

**TO: Beck **

**From: Jade**

_I love you more than you can imagine. You are my life and I'm so grateful to have you in my life. I know these months have been tough, but I promise that I will try my hardest to make peace with all this. Thank you for being there for me unconditionally and I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. But know that I love you and that with out you my life is incomplete. You complete me in every way possible and I hope that never changes. once again thank you for being my rock and for loving me… I know this is cheesy, but what can I say I love you that much! Good night love, see ya tomorrow at school._

**_XXXOk so I know I said this would be the last chapter, but I lied, theres two more to go...So enjoy...R&R and thanks soooo sooo much for the reviews and for reading this story it's much appreciatedXXXOnce again thank you guys! and i'll try and update as soon as possible:)_**


	12. Chapter 12

"_**Can you leave it all behind? Cause you cant go back."**_

BPOV

I was feeling good about my decision to send Tori and Cat over to Jade's, simply because I thought it was time Jade vented to someone else besides me. I just hope this wouldn't bite me in the ass later. So after school I went to my RV and just sat there alone with my own thoughts and feelings. I hate the fact that Jade felt so miserable and that I wasn't able to fix anything. I hate that I would never see my kid and that I stayed so quiet and didn't bother to stop Jade when I knew deep down in my heart this was not right. I was shaken out of my thoughts when I heard my phone vibrate.

I looked down at my phone and it flashed Tori's name.

"Hello," I answered, hoping that it was good news and not bad.

"Hey Beck," she started.

"So…how did it go," I quickly asked.

"Well, we got there and she was drinking," she continued.

"Is she ok?" I asked.

"Yeah, I mean she was drinking, but Cat and I got there in the nick of time," she said. "So we talked to her and I think everything is going to be ok, Beck," she continued.

"Really," I said with hope gleaming in my eyes.

"Yea, she told us everything and it's a step by step process but everything is going to be ok, she is going to be ok," she told me.

"Thank you so much," I said.

"Beck, really it's no problem, and she told us you're miserable too, so maybe it'll help if you talk to the guys or someone you are comfortable with, it really helps," she suggested.

"Yea, thanks Tor, I'll think about it, bye," I hung up.

I was relieved to hear Jade had opened up to them and that just maybe everything would be ok.

As for me, well I took Tori's advice and decided she was right it was time to release all the frustration, anger, and sadness that had me going crazy these past few months. I called Andre and Robbie and told them if they could please come over. With out hesitation they agreed and arrived shortly.

They both arrived together and as soon as they arrived I spoke. They both just sat there in silence until I was done. This felt weird because , I never thought I'd be needing emotional help from my buds.

"Beck, you and Jade should have trusted us, we would have helped you guys with anything," Andre said, breaking the silence.

"I know, we just couldn't tell any one," I told him.

"Well Beck, were here now and if you guys need anything, or if you need to cry or talk, were here man," added Robbie.

"Yea Beck, we love you guys and we hate that you guys have been dealing with this all on your own," Andre continued.

"Thanks guys really, I'm glad Jade and I have friends like you guys," I told them, giving them each a man hug.

"And Beck, when you're good and ready you'll be a good dad," Andre told me with a smile.

"Just please learn from this and strive to get your life right on track before you and Jade decide to have kids," said Robbie.

"Yea we are," I started. " We are going to make our baby wherever he or she maybe proud of us," I finished all teary eyed.

They both smiled and nodded. We talked some more until about ten and then they left. I felt so much better after our talk and I knew that Jade and I still had a long road ahead of us, but that it was going to be ok.

I was getting ready for bed and I was about to call Jade, seeing as I hadn't talked to her since she left school, when my phone vibrated. It was a text from Jade.

**TO: Beck **

**From: Jade**

_I love you more than you can imagine. You are my life and I'm so grateful to have you in my life. I know these months have been tough, but I promise that I will try my hardest to make peace with all this. Thank you for being there for me unconditionally and I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. But know that I love you and that with out you my life is incomplete. You complete me in every way possible and I hope that never changes. once again thank you for being my rock and for loving me… I know this is cheesy, but what can I say I love you that much! Good night love, see ya tomorrow at school._

I read it and I have to admit I let some tears fall. Her words were so sweet and they made me love her even more.

**To: Jade**

**From: Beck**

_I love you too, so much babe. I'm sorry that we are going through this, but I'm hopeful everything will turn out right. You are my everything and you also complete me. I love you with every inch of my heart and I hope you never leave me. One day babe I promise we will have a little one to chase after and call our own, when the time is right. I promise that I will help you as much as I can and that I will never let you down. I will be with you until the world ends. Jade, I love you and never forget it. And your text wasn't cheesy it showed me how lucky I am to have you in my life. I love you always. See ya tomorrow at school. Sleep well babe. Love you!_

**_XXXR&RXXXthanks guys...enjoy!XXX_**


	13. Chapter 13

_**"There are no mistakes in life, only lessons."**_

JPOV

I received a text from Beck and I smiled as I read it. I didn't reply, I simply reflected on what happened that day, and I finally felt in my heart that everything was going to be ok. I let a few tears fall before I drifted off to sleep.

The next morning a woke up to my phone buzzing.

**To:Jade **

**From: Beck**

_Rise and shine babe, I'll be over to pick you up in about an hour love you!_

I looked up at the clock it was six thirty. I got up and got in the shower. Around seven thirty my phone buzzed again.

**To: Jade**

**From: Beck**

_Hey babe, I'm here_

I grabbed my stuff and headed downstairs. I said good bye to my parents before heading out the door.

"Hey," I greeted Beck.

"Hey, how do you feel," he asked me, as I got into the car.

"Honestly," I began, "I feel better, but you know it's still hard."

"I know babe, but let's take it day by day and you'll see everything will be ok," he reassured me.

"You're right and as long as I have you, I know it will be," I told him.

We finally arrived at school and before heading inside to meet our friends, Beck and I hugged eachother. It was a long warm hug, something we hadn't done in so long.

We were greeted by our friends once we were inside.

"Hey," they all said in unison.

"Hey," Beck replied.

I just smiled.

The whole day was pretty normal, neither Cat or Tori, treated me any differently. I mean I still felt horrible when the thought of my baby came to my mind, but Tori and Cat tried their best to cheer me up.

I mean after all like they said before, as much as I want to change what happened I can't and I have to accept it sooner or later.

After school, Cat, Tori and I were talking and they were both still trying to make me feel better.

Tori even suggested that I talk to the baby and let it know that I loved it with all my heart. She said she read that it helps the healing process. So I do. I technically never found out if it was a boy or a girl, but my gut says it was a girl. So Beck and I have both agreed on naming her Persephone. I know weird name, but heck were not your normal couple. When both Beck and I feel like breaking down, we turn to Persephone. We talk to her and tell her how one day mommy and daddy will be ready enough to have her come to this world. We also tell her how much we love her. We both talk to her and instead of trying to forget about what happened we are trying to accept it and move forward with our lives, for Persephone's sake.

Of course there are always some bad days where I want to just break down and die, but my friends and Beck are there to help me. With out Beck I don't know what I'd do. I love him more than anything and I know he loves me too. He's my everything and he has proven his love to me by sticking by me through this hell. He is the best and I try very hard to be nicer and more affectionate towards him.

One day I will hold Persephone in my arms, but for now I try to remember, "Never regret anything in your past, for at that time it was exactly what you wanted."

XXXX I know it took me awhile, but my computer crapped out on me, but anyways here's another chapter, Enjoy!.. R&R XXXX And There is only one more chapter to thanks again for reading and reviewing


	14. Chapter 14

_**"It takes both rain and sunshine to make a rainbow..."**_

**Four years later...**

JPOV

Beck was graduating one year early from culinary school and our friends, myself, and Persephone Brynn, were cheering as he got his diploma. Yup, you guessed it Beck and I were blessed with a baby girl, and even better news we have another one on the way. Yea, I know two kids and we're only twenty, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

BPOV

I walk up the stage and I see the two people who matter the most to me, cheering me on. My soon to be two year old Persephone Brynn and Jade. She is five months pregnant and looks absolutely gorgeous. I'm so happy that after all we've been through, there is finally some happiness in our lives.

After what happened in high school our relationship got stronger and better. Yea it took us awhile to accept it, but after we did high school seemed to fly by, and pretty soon we were graduating. After graduating Jade and I took the next step in our relationship, and we moved in together. Yea our parents didn't approve, but we didn't care and we did it. And a couple of months later we found out Jade was pregnant. We were both excited, but we also realized that we would have to work hard to afford a new place and a baby. So I took double shifts at my uncle's restaurant as a bus boy and Jade got a job as a pre-k teacher's assistant. I know, right! I myself, couldn't believe Jade would end up working with kids, but she did and she liked it.

Working sucked to say the least because we hardly saw each other and Jade was always sick. The pregnancy made her miserable. Persephone put Jade on bed rest for nine and a half weeks. She had to stay in bed because she started to leak amniotic fluid and her placenta had a ninety- nine percent chance of detaching itself from the uteran wall, which wasn't good for the baby or for Jade.

So I took time off from work to stay and care for Jade, and as much as I enjoyed it financially it was not good at all. We started to fall behind on our bills, so as much as we didn't want to ask our parents for money, we had to. First we went to my parents, who only agreed to help us with the baby things. They bought everything for the baby, but our bills still needed to be paid. So we went to Jade's parents for help. Surprisingly enough, they lent us a good amount and it helped us get back on our feet. So financially we were good, but Jade was still miserable and it only got worse.

Jade went into labor early and baby Persephone was born at seven and a half months. She had to stay in the NICU for a little over a month. It was the longest month for both of us. Baby Persephone was born on a beautiful spring day, April 15 to be exact. She weighed four pounds exactly and was eighteen inches long. She was so tiny and immidiateley after she was born she had trouble breathing. Followed by low body temperature and she couldn't feed on her own. Jade was a total mess and so was I, I kept thinking that this just couldn't be happening to us. Then a week after her birth and of being in the NICU, we found out she had a small hole in her heart. Jade and I were beyond worried for our baby, we did not know what was going to happen. The doctor said it might close in a week and we would just have to wait, and if it didn't then she would have to have surgery. Three days past and unfortunatley it did not close. So Persephone had to have surgery lasted about four hours, but thankfully everything went well. Then after about a month of recovery, medication, and tests, baby Persephone was finally well enough to come home.

Jade's parents and mine, got everything ready in the nursery and they worked really hard making sure it was just perfect for when Persephone came home. By the time Persephone got home she weighed six and a half pounds and was doing wonderfully. She only has a small scar on her chest from the surgery, when she asks us what that is we simply tell her that her angel kissed her there and left her a special mark. Persephone's birth was the best thing ever, we both love her dearly and are so happy for baby number two.

Jade is still in school and in about three years she should have her BA and credentials to become a teacher. But for now she is a stay at home mom and she loves it. She takes Persephone out everywhere and she loves spending time with her. All our friends also love her to death, so much that Cat and Tori fought over who would be her godmother. Suprisingly Tori won, so Andre and Tori are her godparents and for the next baby it will be Robbie and Cat. Everyone is excited for the next baby even our parents.

Jade is more than happy with our growing family and more so witht he fact that this pregnancy has gone really well. The baby is growing and is due October thirty first. We decided not to find out the sex of the baby because we want to be surprised. Financially we are doing better. Thanks to my Uncle I have a spot at his restaurant as head chef and it pays well. And now as I stand here with my diploma in hand I feel complete, I couldn't ask for anything more in life. I have my family, friends, and career.

JPOV

Tori, Cat, Andre, Robbie, Persephone, and myself are all cheering for Beck as he graduated. I am so proud of him. With out him my life wouldn't be as perfect as it is, I love him to death. He's a good boyfriend, dad, and not to mention chef. Our past pnly lives in our memories and we are more than happy to not only meet our new baby, but to see what the future holds for our family. After all we've been through I am so happy and blessed to have my friends, kids, and Beck in my life. I feel like I'm oozing happiness and I wouldn't change any of it.

"Daddy, daddy!" Persephone clapped and gurgled.

"Yea, baby that's your daddy," I answered her as I pointed to Beck out on the stage. I hugged her tight and kissed her, she just smiled.

"Yup life gives you obstacles, but at the end of the tunnel there is always a light," I thought to myself, "and my light is my two kids and Beck."

XXXXAnd here it is the last chapter, i really enjoyed writing this story, thanks again for reading and reviewing, will be posting more stories soon so look outXXX Once again..THANKS!:)..R&R..thanks!


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